In memory of my beloved handyman, and friend, Derek
Raimond.
I am distraught to report that only a month after
we celebrated his 70th birthday, Derek passed away very suddenly.
His sudden death has affected me much more than
expected, possibly since it has been a long time since I lost anyone close to me. It is a smarting reminder that nothing and nobody lasts forever, and that we
should indeed make the most of every day we have left.
Time could run out
for us at any unknown point.
It is difficult for me to comprehend that I shall
never see his cheeky face again, and so I have decided to write this tribute
for three reasons:
- to try and alleviate my grief. There are already
streaming tears appearing as I type, and it’s only paragraph three.
- to remember the good times we shared, and to
share these memories for all that knew him
- to help anyone else who is suffering with grief
from the loss of a loved one
I met Derek around fifteen years ago as a family
friend, and already retired and a bit bored, he began doing some gardening for
me. It kept him entertained and busy, and it meant he got to annihilate fifteen
cups of coffee and the contents of my biscuit cupboard as he was at it. (I was
always amazed how he never actually had to go to the toilet after all this
coffee, one of life’s little mysteries, but that’s another story!)
We shared many commonalities: our love of Elvis,
Las Vegas, Benidorm, getting bargains, biscuits, pizza, chocolate bars, chocolate
eclairs…
 |
| Derek on the day I introduced him to Dominos takeaway pizza. "Margherita, Kell?" He loved it! |
When I began renovating property, both my own house
and for rental, Derek got involved, and he enjoyed working on my little
projects.
 |
| Derek and Suzie Wong stand in front of their mammoth list of refurb tasks |
Quickly earning various nicknames during refurbs
such as ‘Captain Bodge’, ‘Dodgy Del Boy’, ‘Bodgerama’ and ‘Doctor Devastation’,
I am sure you can guess the extent of his workmanship skills. He would flick
paint everywhere, merely stating “It’s only water-based, Kell!” - because obviously that makes it alright that he's trashing the place!
Wet plaster would
be trodden on floors, paintbrushes and trays unwashed and left to dry out and
thus be ruined, mess and tools left all over - and generally extra work
made for us all. He was, in short, our ‘Captain Chaos’.
Saying this, despite the odd mishap (per day!!), on
the whole he was a superb worker. Put a paintbrush in his hand and play an
Elvis Presley / Billy Ocean / Billy Fury CD on and he would paint (and sing)
all day.
I am eternally grateful for all the help he gave me with my properties.
He enjoyed gardening, and would have a go at owt really, being
particularly impressed with himself the day he worked out how to hang internal
doors.
He would do minor joinery work, fix skirting
boards, block up chimneys, as well as his own 'special' brand of DIY bodgery: including
his super tactic of filling small holes with a kitchen sponge before
plastering over them (it’s magic, try it!) |
| NO FEAR! Up a massive ladder ripping old ivy off an external wall. What a job that was! |
 |
| Blocking up a chimney, after we'd put our 'Time Capsule' note in it. |
Like everyone though, nobody's perfect, and certain tasks proved to be disastrous for our Del Boy.
After one such catastrophe involving my own living room carpet and a very keen
Edward Scissorhands impression, he was never allowed to lay carpets again…
But bless him, he had a real good go at anything,
and I only ever really wanted to kill him once or twice - one occasion being
when he cut open a packet in the kitchen, inadvertently carving score marks into a brand
new kitchen worktop with a Stanley knife.
Despite the mishaps, I am proud that Derek has
worked on every single one of my houses to date. And although they are - not-quite-perfect -
in some cases, it adds to their imperfect charm and effort put in by our
have-a-go hero.
 |
| Checking out the 'before' and 'after' shots once we'd completed a project. |
Moving forward with the next project without him
will be difficult - but he knows what the grand plan is for the portfolio, the vision, and we can't let the families down - nor Derek. So
we must continue with him watching from above, probably stating his favourite words, “It be reyt, Kell”…
 |
| Celebratory 'let's get fed' thank you meal after a project completion. Delighted that day at being allowed a Mixed Grill! |
Other favourite memories of Derek include his
supreme self-confidence: “Good looking me, Kell, I could’ve had any woman I
wanted when I were younger!”
He hated anyone knowing how old he really was, and
as it turned out, how poorly he actually was, which was always brushed over as if unimportant. How dare being a little poorly affect his daily life! He did not allow it.
In a way, I am glad his passing
was sudden, as he would have hated to have deteriorated - and have people
comment on losing his good looks!
 |
| Birthday celebration, with minimal fuss about him reaching 70... !!! |
We pestered and nagged him into celebrating his 70th
birthday with a little dinner, as he didn’t want any fuss, or “any birthday
stuff where people turn round and look at you”. And then he proceeded to smirk
with delight when the waiter fetched out a little cake with a
sparkler on as everyone in the restaurant sang for him.
 |
| LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FACE!!! |
He was over the moon when he opened his birthday present:
an electric DIY multi-tool. The idea was it was supposed to stop him trashing
mine!
I take some comfort knowing that he at least got a chance to use it.
Derek was a wonderful man, and here are some of the key life lessons I learned from him.
LIFE LESSONS FROM DEREK RAIMOND!
-Don’t be scared to have a go at anything.
Smash a
wall cupboard out? “Be reyt, Kell!”.
Cut off an old gas pipe using a sparking
metal grinder? “Be reyt, Kell!”
And he’s right.
After all, what’s the worst
that can happen?
And then, what’s the likelihood of that happening?
 |
| NO FEAR! Even with dangerous tasks! I had to make him stop and put safety glasses on to continue with this sparking chaos! |
Saying that though…
- Do not mess about with high pressure power tools.
After the pebbledash nightmare where the hydraulic paint sprayer dangerously
exploded in both our faces, sometimes it is wise to hire in professionals in
order to avoid trying to blind yourself.
 |
| Don't try this at home, girls and boys! I'll never forget his paint-splattered shocked face after this explosion, it was very comical! BUT VERY DANGEROUS!!! |
- Come up with ingenious solutions for everyday
problems.
The day I discovered he had sewn this sock into his
jacket so he had an inside pocket, I laughed so hard because of this ridiculous,
yet surprisingly practical idea. Why doesn't everyone do this?!? |
| See that? IT'S A SOCK SEWN INTO HIS JACKET FOR A POCKET!! |
- Being
tight will make you rich.
Derek didn’t need to work for the money, he came
and helped me out just for fun (Although for the record, I did pay him, it went towards spending money for his Benidorm bonanzas!)
And although generous, he was a tight-fisted
get, just like me. He loved a car boot sale, and if you saved him owt that you
knew he’d like or need, he was well chuffed. I gave him a free t-shirt that the
Selco shop had given me, and there he was wearing it proudly the next day!
He’s
right though, why spend money on stuff when you don’t have to?!
 |
| Proudly wearing his freebie t-shirt, Derek eyes up his opponent: a cupboard he is about to smash out. |
- Do whatever you like.
Even at 70, he was still rocking his Teddy Boy
lifestyle - cos that’s the sort of stuff you can get away with at 70. And who’s
to stop you? When you’re a top lad, (self-assured with how good looking you
are!), who’s to dictate how you live your life? Just you.
- Treat
everybody you love as if it is the last time you will ever see them.
Because one day it will be.
And then you will wish they are still around to
throw paint all over your projects.
(It’s only water-based, Kell…)
I would like to offer my deepest sympathies to all Derek’s friends and family who are suffering his loss.
Be comforted that he will now be Halfway to
Paradise; comb in pocket, ready to drive the ladies wild with his charm...
