Thursday, 31 October 2019


I love Halloween! ๐ŸŽƒ ๐Ÿ‘ป

So as it’s October 31st, I will share with you some Halloween Horrors... of Property!

There are many scary things about property that keep us terrified and awake at night... and some are just downright horrors!
First one: mysterious happenings in the middle of the night! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

During a property’s refurbishment, sometimes spooky things happen when you’re not there... ๐Ÿค”

Here’s some examples of things I’ve experienced - and how to avoid them rising from the dead again on future projects!

๐Ÿ‘ป Curse: a magic apparition of a load of old junk added to my scrap pile ๐Ÿ˜ค
To break the spell: avoid this by collating all your junk materials, old bathrooms etc, INSIDE until the day the skip arrives. Then whang all the junk in at once and get them to lift the skip the same day, to avoid demon neighbours inflicting their curses and junk on you! ๐Ÿ‘

๐ŸŽƒ Curse: paranormal activity, in the form of your rubbish bins magically disappearing overnight! ๐Ÿ˜ค
break the spell by fetching your bins inside the property, or they will go missing. Why? Because often some impish neighbours will fancy an extra bin - and many councils now charge for replacement bins. ๐Ÿคจ

๐Ÿ‘น Curse: on one project, some utter evil devil had dumped a monster-sized bag of, erm, stinking doggy ectoplasm in my garden, for me to kindly dispose of ๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ค
BEGONE SATAN!!! Sometimes in property - and life - very shitty things happen - quite literally.
No cure for this curse, sometimes people are just fiends and wretches out to inflict hurt and suffering on you.
To deal with this though, you have to adopt a strong PMA (positive mental attitude) for bad things, to keep those demonic vibes at bay.
So think positively about such demonic acts - use your strength and will to tell them: “the power of Christ compels you... to not be so powerful so that your horrible nonsense won’t get to me!!!”

Remember, things can only upset you if you allow them to!


Next Tale from the Crypt…

Sometimes when you get the keys to a property, you will find that the house is possessed - by all sorts of creatures, dead or alive!

Bugs, woodlice, silverfish, mice, birds, and our old Halloween favourite, those beastly spiders! ๐Ÿ•ท๐Ÿ•ท๐Ÿ•ท

However, all those fail in comparison when I remember the Longroyd project, with the Bugs of Doom...

This particular house was the deceased estate of a little old lady.

All the carpets had been stripped out - but little did we know, that lurking in the floorboards, ready to pounce, was THE CURSE OF THE INDESTRUCTIBLE KILLER FLEAS!!

We all got bit by these fleabag masses; itchy, horrid biting creatures; urrrgh, I shudder just remembering them.

And then worst of all, because they get in your clothes, I inadvertently brought them home with me - and despite never before being infected, in all her years... I ended up giving my own Pusscat fleas...


That house took me four flea bombs and a mass amount of cleaning to rid that satanic scourge, and then the same again in my own house.

So I’m not a fan of house possessions, by horrible creepy crawly poltergeists!

If you have similar ‘unwanted tenant’ squatters - purge your property thoroughly with an exorcism: with hard cleaning graft, prayers and strong chemicals.
It’s the only way to rid yourself of such demons!!


Moving on, another cautionary tale that strikes immense fear into my being...

The very thought of it brings me out in a cold sweat, and undertaking the necessary evil of it is like a dagger to my heart... ๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿฅถ๐Ÿฅต๐Ÿคฏ๐Ÿคฎ

What I am talking about?
If you’re from Yorkshire, I know you’ll already know what I’m about to say...

... the biggest horror in property is THE CURSE OF THE BURNING PURSE!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ’ท๐Ÿ”ฅ


Property costs money, in all sorts of fiendish ways:

purchase stamp duty insurance legal fees gas safety refurbishment operating expenses maintenance utilities voids repairs naughty tenants ๐Ÿ†˜

The scariest thing in the world for a Yorkshireman is having money extracted from our weary paws.

We hate the evil, bloodsucking flesh-eating bogeyman known as the Grim Reaper Taxman!

And as for the eerie cackling call of the House Repairs Goblin, he terrifies us with his creepy visits way too often!

Still when you have families living in your property - many of them angels, and not werewolves - you’ve got to do what’s right to protect them from evil.

So you unnervingly summons your petrified purse / wallet from beneath the grave, dust off the cobwebs, and see what decomposing funds lurk within.

Then zombie-like and crying, you perform a spell, which mostly involves setting fire to your money.

After this chilling sorcery, magic apparitions then appear - more recently in my case, in the form of a new light fitting, a new door handle, and a new electric cooker ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ’ท๐Ÿ”ฅ

So beware all ye wannabe property investors - have ye got the stomach to cope with such grizzly, ghastly and horrifying money-sucking phantoms?!? ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿคฎ

And Yorkshire folk: normally your purse has to be prised from your corpse’s cold, dead fingers... can you perform some supernatural hocus pocus and... ACTUALLY SPEND SOME MONEY?!?

Terrifying stuff, I know, it scares me too...

Be afraid... be very afraid... ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

Finally, this last topic is the scariest yet.

It can either be a trick or a treat, depending on how you prepare yourself.

The most terrifying thing in property are... bloodsucking vampires.

What do I mean by this?

I mean that there are some horrible people in this industry that are out to bleed you dry for all they can get.

Examples of these demons include:
beastly cowboy builders
️ bungling scarecrow solicitors
️ bloodsucking bridging firms
️ vampires who want to extract all your time, knowledge and education for free
️ horrible trolls out to hurt and criticise you
️ incompetent zombie workmen
️ repulsive RIP-off merchants
️ petrifying Ponzi schemes
️ shady sharks out to strip you of your money
️ outrageous ogres who make all sorts of unbelievable claims about ROI
️ untrustworthy shyster wolves who don’t return your investment funds.

I’m not pulling any punches here.
It’s a spine-chilling warning.
The most terrifying part about this post is that it’s all true.

These nasty people do exist, and they walk amongst us - often smiling and beguiling us with their witchcraft.

I myself have experienced several of the above, and I know that many of my investor friends have too.

So what can we do to ensure we get a little less trick, and a lot more treat?

Here are some tips, to renounce the evil:

Don’t work with people you don’t know, like or trust ๐Ÿฅฐ
️ Do your due diligence on people - are they who they say they are? How do you know? Can they show you evidence and proof? ๐Ÿง
️ Google them! Reviews, testimonials, online presence, Companies House, images, news... EVERYTHING!
Sometimes it’s in your own interest to be a bit stalker-ish... ๐Ÿค”๐ŸงŸ‍♀️
️ You are a grown adult of your own free will. If someone is putting you under pressure to part with cash, your internal alarm bells should be ringing ๐Ÿšซ
️ Trust your gut instinct. If anything feels wrong, for any reason - don’t do it ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘

Terrifying stuff!

But forewarned is forearmed.
Use these tips above as your vampire-slaying kit.
Add in some garlic if you like!
Avenge these property monsters!

Although I’d leave the knives and weapons at home... or at least until the Halloween moonlight hits... ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ”ช

Have a spooky and safe Halloween everyone! x x x


Kellyann Martin is a Property Investment Strategist based in Leeds.

For more details on working with Kellyann, visit the website

Saturday, 5 October 2019

My Top Five Reasons Why Being in Property is Great

Here are my top five reasons why being in property is great!

Here we go...

Number 1: You get to help people.

First and foremost, you are providing homes for tenants. There’s a real shortage of rental accommodation, and if you can help provide that service, it benefits both parties. 

A great reason to start with!
๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ‘จ‍๐Ÿ‘ฉ‍๐Ÿ‘ง‍๐Ÿ‘ฆ

Number 2: You play the role of magician!

There’s something very special about making a superb transformation. 

You take an utter grotbox of a house, throw a little magic dust / good contractors / cash and effort at it, et voilรก: one great refurbished house!

It feels good to be able to bring dilapidated housing stock back into use. 

Nobody wants to see them rot and go to rack and ruin anyway - not in my beautiful Leeds! 

Number 3: You only have to do the real hard work once.

I love single let housing. 
Once you’ve done the hard work; ie refurbished them to a good standard and rented them out to a lovely tenant, there’s actually very little to do.

Yes, there might be the occasional inspection to do, or a couple of times a year the tenant will ring with a maintenance problem that’s arisen to be fixed... but on the whole, these rentals just keep ticking away nicely.

What’s not to love?!? 

Number 4: Property gives you the freedom to do whatever you like!

Looking after a rental portfolio doesn’t actually take up a lot of time, meaning you have a good amount of freedom to choose how you spend your time.

And I love doing whatever I like!

Last one!

Number 5: Investors lend you money towards property projects, and you give them a superb return for it.

In this particular case study in Leeds, we used a legal loan agreement for the investor to lend me funds to purchase this house.

I refurbished the property to a good standard, uplifted the value, and placed a tenant family in it as their long-term home.

Then I put a mortgage on the house, and drew out most of the uplifted equity. 

This enabled me to repay the investor back his capital, plus a very healthy return - which was much better than anything he could have received in interest from high street banks! 

Investment funds in this project were returned in 9 months and 3 days. ๐Ÿ—“ 

The investor made a superb profit passively; I helped him, and he helped me, and we both helped that tenant family! 

If you’d have cash sitting in a bank making poor returns - get in touch to discuss employing funds in a project like this to make you a far better return on investment.


Kellyann Martin is a Property Investment Strategist based in Leeds.

For more details on working with Kellyann, visit

Sunday, 8 September 2019



Come on girls... we can do better than just looking pretty!

I’m not sure what’s going on at the minute, but there seems to be a massive rise in women posting mindless dolled-up selfies of themselves on social media in a business setting.

Now don’t get me wrong here, I have absolutely no qualms about women looking beautiful and feeling confident in the way they look. 

A good headshot will capture that brilliantly, and there's nothing more confidence-boosting than seeing yourself beautifully immortalised in a photo.

I love it when women feel good about themselves and they dress and present themselves in a way that they personally like, both in their personal social lives and in business.

However, what bothers me are the mindless ‘pretty girl’ selfies uploaded to social media in a business setting, for seemingly no other reason than to show people how pretty they are.

Gawwwwd, those duck-faced pouting shots drive me quackers!

What is going on?

When did our looks become the main focus of our achievements?

This especially concerns me when these shots are used in a business setting, as if all your success is based on your face. We're worth more than that, surely girls?!

Now don’t misunderstand me - this is not about being jealous of how good-looking other girls are. I love seeing ladies looking glamorously stunning in a social party setting.

I fully acknowledge when girls are beautiful, because I will likely have told them (especially if they have lovely blue eyes, for which I have a particular penchant!!) 

I also know full well that: I’m no model, you know what I mean? And I don’t do my little turn on the catwalk…

...And I’m ok with that. ๐Ÿ˜Š

Anyone else wear out their cassette tape of this classic belter in 1991?!?

When I was younger, amazingly, I did look better. I wouldn’t be so vain and misled as to believe that I was absolutely gorgeous, because I know I was just average - but being younger, slimmer and fresher-faced definitely made me look better. 

It’s a shame that nobody stays that like that forever!
But I definitely wasn’t happier - in fact I was self-conscious, shy, and lacking in confidence. I knew that the boys might only like me because of how I looked.
No consideration for how funny or kind or caring I was. 
Sadly, it wasn’t relevant in our shallow, vain, beauty-obsessed society.

Aged 18, when I used to be an actual feminine-looking female.
For this jazzy, highly-edited photoshoot anyway!

I just cannot understand in this supposedly enlightened age, why some girls are more concerned with showing us close-ups of their prettily made-up faces, and full length body shots, usually in tight revealing clothes - rather than work successes.

I first thought about this issue a few months ago; when I saw a woman post online; a lady I had previously thought of as a respectable, smart and independent member of her industry.

Yet here she was in a large public business networking forum, posting reflection mirror selfies, as she showed herself in a shop changing room trying on flashy and skimpy dresses - then asking the business group for their opinions.


Is that really all we’ve got to offer?

How lovely we look?

(and she did, but that’s not the point!)

In the words of Pink’s song ‘Stupid Girls’ “What happened to the dream of a girl President? She’s dancing in the video next to 50 Cent.”

What about shouting about our achievements in our work and careers?
Doing something inspirational? 
Motivating others?
Achieving some real success?!?

If you’re only concerned about the way you look, then frankly, I think you’re putting the women’s lib movement back about 100 years - when women were just there to be seen and not heard, just a pretty thing to look at.

What about showing us some success stories?

You doing well instead of just looking well?

Some real actual achievements instead of superficial photos?

Because to be blunt, when I see your extreme close-ups of your heavily made-up pretty face, It doesn’t make me think ‘oh she’s beautiful.’
I’ll already know that if I’ve met you.

(And don’t forget that having a beautiful face doesn’t always equate to actually being a nice or attractive person!)

Instead it makes me think why?

Why is she putting that on here?
Is she fishing for likes?
Desperate for attention?
Or all the above?!

If you’ve ever met me in real life, you’ll know that I’m not a girly girl. 
I have no fingernails because I bite them, have no concern for beauty treatments, facials, jazzy snazzy haircuts, and I definitely do not get up an hour earlier to trowel on make-up or draw on Noel Gallagher eyebrows with a Sharpie.

I’m chunky but funky, and I wear what I like, even if it’s a shirt I find in the men’s section.

And I do not give a fuck what other people think of the way I look.

It’s not relevant.

I don’t need to seek anyone else’s reassurance. I'm not insecure.

So you’ll never see a picture of me in a business setting with my chesticles hanging out, because you don’t need to.

Ah well, maybe just this one time... 

"Maybe if I act like...that? Push up my bra like...that?! 
I don't wanna be a stupid girl!"

I’m not interested in someone leaving a meeting having met me saying "Oh didn’t she look nice?!?"    #yawn

I want them to remember that I’m kind and funny, and most of all, very competent at what I do. They should have realised that that I’m a good person - that’s my priority; not preening and pouting.

Now listen: if doing all those pouty things makes you feel good about yourself in your life, then that’s great, good for you - I’m happy that you’re happy, especially if it makes you feel better about yoursen.

But if it’s just pure egotistical self-absorbed social media narcissism – then please ask yourself: what’s the real need here?!?


   - not just beauty shots, please ladies!!!