A Top Ten Countdown of The Naughtiest Things Tenants Have Done in My Properties:
I’ve got the old-skool Top of the Pops countdown
theme tune in my head; you know the one: Der derrr der der derrrrrrr….
Anyway, here’s a top ten countdown of the
naughtiest things tenants have done in my properties so far…. In at 10…
10. Let someone sleep in the shed in the front
garden
Yes, they really let some randomer sleep in the
knackered old shed outside in the front yard. God knows why.
Why not let them stay in the house, if it was their
friend?
Why let them sleep in the shed at all, if it was a
complete stranger?
Bewildering.
I got rid of the shed. No squatters allowed.
9. Painted kitchen cupboard units red
To be fair, this wasn’t an act of naughtiness, more
a misunderstanding of the terms and conditions on their part.
Tenant asked if they could redecorate kitchen. I
said yes. Tenant took this to mean that EVERYTHING could be painted, not just
the walls, as I had assumed everyone knew. So yes, it was a shocking revelation
to discover on a tenancy inspection that my lovely pine-coloured units had been
coated in a garish red.
“You said I could decorate” they said… And they
weren’t wrong, I did!
So THAT was an interesting lesson on explanation
and clarification!
Luckily the tenant likes red, and luckily, they are
good long-term tenants who are not going anywhere.
8. Had a stash of 6 secret dogs which ruined all
the laminate flooring
And thus began my hate-hate relationship with
letting agents. Because had they actually been inspecting and managing the
tenancy properly, like they were supposed to - nay, like they were being PAID
to – they would have realised the tenancy agreement at the time stated no dogs.
Not a single one. Let alone 6. It was the neighbour that told me that, after
they left.
The tenants had inherited a deceased relative’s
windfall and bought their own house, which no doubt now resembles a chaotic stinking
zoo.
Meanwhile I had to tip all my lovely laminate
wooden flooring, which was steeped in dog piss.
7. Fill their room to the rafters with hoarded junk,
stopped paying rent and dumped a caravan on the drive.
Oh, this one annoyed me immensely, not because of
what they’d done, but because when I questioned their behaviour, their
stinking, stroppy, rude and threatening attitude towards me was appallingly
vile. An absolute arsehole: I’ve never before wanted to punch a tenant in the
face so badly until this one, and they would definitely have deserved it. Still,
there’s always time, should I ever see them again…
Or maybe I’ll leave their fate up to karma; it
always catches up with and reprimands wretches in the end. Karma’s a bitch… but
I quite like her!
6. Moved into a HMO room, stop paying rent, make up
a cock-and-bull story about being investigated for fraud, and dragged his poor
ex-wife into his lies, claiming the rent would be coming out of her bank.
Never in my life until this guy had I met such a
plausible liar who seemed the real deal – and I am suspicious and mistrusting
of most people!
Billy Liar spouted lies with such charm and
conviction that I am convinced he actually believed what came out of his own
mouth. When I spoke to his ex-wife on the phone, who was lovely, it became very
clear he was full of shit, and his life on a downward spiral trajectory. Absolutely
no doubt at all that this clown will end up in the jail.
5. Created a marijuana growing farm in a loft
Discovered this after the tenants had left. Had to
pull all the ‘gardening garb’ down from the loft, and then the police didn’t
want to know or care, and just told me to get rid of it. So I did. Made about
£60 selling the pots to keen gardeners on Facebook marketplace. Which saved me
traipsing them all to the tip.
4. Flooded the bathroom which then poured through
the ceiling, water damaged ceilings and cut the electrics out.
Tenant couldn’t understand why the bath had
overflowed at 11pm at night.
I could, and so could the insurance claims man:
tenant clearly fell asleep whilst the bath was running late at night, and the bath
overflowed.
But no, tenant argued the toss and swore blind that
there was something wrong with the pipework.
Hey, people make mistakes, and I accept that, and
am ok with that.
It’s when they try to bullshit me with lies to try
and absolve their own responsibility that it infuriates me.
3. Tenant caught child grooming in an online
child-pretence sting operation which was filmed for a paedophile-hunters
programme and then shared on the internet.
Erm, yes. The other occupants of the shared house
informed me of this video, and then I had to have a very awkward conversation
with him, whereby I pretty much said to the guy: Look, I’ve seen the video. You
can’t really stay here anymore, can you?
He left swiftly without a fuss – leaving the room
immaculate.
Hopefully no actual children were harmed in real
life from this guy.
2. Tenant caused chip pan fire in kitchen, took on
knobhead boyfriend, got into drugs, trashed house, door kicked in, windows
smashed and neglected own children
Same naughty tenants as drug farm above. Cost an
absolute fortune to get fixed and put property back to the (newly refurbished)
condition it was in when they moved in two years before. Absolute nightmare,
and the worst house trashing I’d had.
Tenant moved on by council into a lovely new
property, in a much nicer area, only to repeat the same toxic pattern of new
knobhead boyfriend, drugs, arguments, violence, house trashed.
Some people just don’t learn what’s good for them,
do they?
Sadly even when they’ve their own kids to look
after and protect.
1. Allow local naughty waste dumpers to dump
several tonnes of asbestos on the drive in exchange for drugs
Same naughty tenants, as above, again. Again, cost
a fortune to have asbestos and rubbish removed, but not before local yokels had
been breaking and entering into the property and also setting fire to the crap
in the garden a couple of times and caused the fire brigade to be called out on
each occasion, causing chaos with the house, garden and neighbours.
What is wrong with some people?!
So there we have it: top ten countdown of wretch
behaviour. Some from tenants which didn’t end up last long as all…. NO MERCY
FOR NONSENSE!
Surely that’s it for my bad luck of tenants now?
And no Mr Universe, this is not a request to send
me more testing problems to compile another countdown list, thank you!
I’m quite happy with having lovely, well-behaved
tenants who do the right thing, thank you very much! 😊
